JM2K: Just my two Kobo; the first of many...

I have decided I am going to have a portion of my blog where I voice certain things I am thinking about what I have seen so far. They won't necessarily be long or elaborate posts, just observations here and there about any and everything that crosses my mind. Opinion posts if you will (which shouldn't be confused with my informational ones). In my head, I even have delusions of grandeur fantasies of filming myself. We'll see what happens with that. Since I probably will barely be able to keep up with writing I won't make any promises.

The name is inspired by the idiomatic saying "Just my two cents", except Nigerian currency is divided into kobo and naira, the coins being called kobo. And you know, I am totally the first not the first person to think of this.  JM2K just has such a nice ring to it, you know? But, on a more serious note, if you ever gave me two kobo, I would punch you. After all, it is equivalent to (hold on to your seat) a whopping 0.01 cents. Basically I've just called my opinion worthless. Anyway...

 Drum roll please... 

Nigerian Taxi

For my first installment of this segment: This is just my two kobo but Nigerian drivers are freaking bat-shit insane! And I am not saying this to be mean. It's so serious it is a public health issue...

Nigeria has the worst driving record in Africa: nearly 34 deaths for every 100,000 residents, according to a 2013 World Health Organization report.  (Washington Post)

I mean... why???

No one obeys traffic laws. Red light... means speed up. Traffic warden stopped you? Curse them out. Not to mention the traffic wardens are terrible at their jobs anyway, half the time they are on their cell phones. Spacious three lane road? OK let's make six lanes instead, and let's just cram our cars into as many spaces as possible. See this shoulder of the road where you are almost falling off? Still attempt to drive past cars at the risk of your (and others) lives. 

keke napep

Oh, and another thing, there are no crosswalks, so thousands of pedestrians risk their lives everyday attempting to avoid oncoming traffic. There are overhead passes in Abuja (known in Nigeria as flyovers) but no one has the patience to use those. Then there are these tiny vehicles that are called keke napep (they remind me of Thai tuk-tuks). They literally swerve everywhere, in and out of lanes. It's interesting to watch, when it's not frightening I guess. I mean, in fairness, it was pretty bad in Thailand and Vietnam, I had to cross dangerous roads there as well
(hash-tag developing country problems)

To drive in Nigeria, if you dare, I have two recommendations. 

• If you are rich enough, get a driver. That's what all the wealthy Nigerians and expats do. Then those drivers deal with all the insane driving, cursing out locals and other joys of Nigerian driving (bribing police officers, being aware of possible armed robbers etc etc). Obviously you will have to vet him first, to make sure he can actually drive, but your company would usually have done that for you.

OR

• Learn to become a crazy driver as well. You can only drive defensively. Literally assume that everyone else, will and can do something wrong. You can either chose to battle it out, or drive slowly, let people speed past you, and endure the incessant honking (oh yeah that is another joy of driving here - my ears hurt. And they honk even if you're not doing something wrong, so don't take it personally). My German aunt drives herself in Nigeria when her driver is busy, so you can get used to it... You just have to have nerves of steel.

Abuja Roads (on a good day)

Luckily, Abuja as the FCT (that's Federal Capital Territory to you) has much better roads than other parts of Nigeria. And the traffic is (marginally) better. So I am lucky to live in the most modern city in Nigeria. If I had massive ditches and potholes and ditches to deal with as well...yeah that's all I have to say about that.

Lagos Traffic

Abuja Traffic

And for people who might be wondering, "but I thought she also said there were good things she wanted to expose about Nigeria"; don't worry, I will... that will be in my (I just thought of this a few seconds ago) "flip side of the coin"segment. Hmm, that's a lot of money talk, because well money talks... (honestly I don't know where I come up with this stuff). OK, OK I'll stop with the brilliant cheesy puns. You're safe... for now.